I have finally calmed back down after yet another panic attack. At the start, it feels as if someone has their hands around my throat with their grip tightening as each second passes. In the middle of an attack, it feels like I can’t catch my breath. My heart beats so fast that it feels like it is going to give out any second. I get lightheaded and it’s almost as if I’m going to pass out. Paralyzed by fear I can’t reach for my phone to call for help, let alone speak.
I’ve been dealing with it long enough that most times I can recognize the warning signs. Other times there is no warning. There is no pattern to the attacks. They happen at varying times and places. I can even be watching National Lampoon’s European Vacation and have a panic attack.
Through everything, in the deepest of valleys and darkest of shadows there is one steadfast truth I hold onto, my Lord and God, my Savior, my rock and my Father in heaven will always carry me through. There is an incredible Christian music artist by the name of Josh Wilson, that wrote a song in 2012 that describes everything so perfectly. The title of that song is Carry Me. The link to the K-Love acoustic version is below. Give it a listen, and hopefully it will help you as much as it has helped me.
Carry Me by Josh Wilson
If any of you out there actually read my blog, I beg of you to please read the following story and click the link at the end. If you are unable to give, keep Heidi and her family in your prayers.
Heidi Crouch had a brain aneurysm early in the morning on July 4, 2014. Here is the story on how fast she made it to the hospital…..and how God was watching over her from the beginning. Heidi was having a block party with loved ones on July 3, 2014. She was not feeling well so she went to bed while others continued to enjoy the get together. Her husband John is a firefighter, cop, and EMT for Sunnyvale Department of Public Safety. John was still awake with friends when he heard a car accident at the end of his drive way (hit and run to top it off). Being the hero that he is he rushed out to help. He then had to pry the door open and start helping the injured driver. Heidi awoke due to the loud sound of the crash and came down the long driveway to ask John if he needed his medical bag. The ambulance was coming down the street. Heidi and 2 neighbors turned and started walking back up the driveway and that is when the tragedy happened and Heidi collapsed. Thankfully she was standing in the middle and the other 2 people caught her fall. She began having a seizure and getting sick while unconscious. John rushed to her side and since the ambulance was already there due to the car accident they were able to start working on her right away along with her husband John. She was rushed to Saint Louise Hospital in Gilroy and then air lifted to Stanford Hospital.
After exploratory surgery that lasted 2.5 hours (estimated that it would be 45 minutes) the neurosurgeon knew that they couldn’t get to the bleed without doing full open brain surgery. Heidi is at one of the top hospitals in the Country and is working with one of the top neurosurgeons in the Country.
Heidi Crouch’s Story